Edward Cullen. Vampire? (A Conversation)
Kiyo: *sitting in corner annoyed*
TDD: What’s wrong?
Kiyo: I have come to the conclusion that Edward sparkly-pants is wearing some type of sunscreen.
TDD: lol what?
Kiyo: Well, he insists he’s a vampire, but he doesn’t burst in the sun he sparkles. And whenever I say he must be a fairy someone argues with me and says that he’s just different. SO!!!! To appease both sides of the party I have come up with the solution!
TDD: ….that would be…?
Kiyo: He wears sparkly sunscreen!
TDD: I don’t think sunscreen can protect a vampire from, oh I don’t know, BURSTING INTO FLAMES!!!!
Kiyo: How do you know?
TDD: ….what?
Kiyo: I said how do you know? Has anyone ever tried it.
TDD: Not to my knowledge.
Kiyo: See?
TDD: But I’m pretty sure that whoever was stupid enough to try that ended up a pile of dust on the ground.
Kiyo: Yes, but did they try sparkly sunscreen?
TDD: I doubt that. Because what self-respecting vampire makes themselves look like gay fairy princesses?
Kiyo: The same vampires who are three times older then a girl and still hit on her, but then later say ‘haha! Just kidding! I can’t be with you because I might accidentally take a bite out of your neck!’. Point?
TDD: Made. Those are also the same vampires who feed on animals because it’s ‘humane’. How the hell is that helping anyone!?
Kiyo: Yeah I know! As soon as they get the taste of blood they go all berserk and try to slaughter anyone. Then to think that they can atone for it they brood in a corner for a couple of weeks and then go back to what they were doing before the whole slaughter thing! New town!
TDD: Wouldn’t it just be easier to get used to normal blood so, that when you do you can find a willing person who will actually give you the blood.
Kiyo: You’d think and cat’s knows that there are plenty of those to go around.
TDD: *nods* So how’s your theory looking now?
Kiyo: Better and better. He’s just like all the other disaster vampires. Stephen, Angel, and Edward. The brooding stalk your teenage daughter trio!
TDD: TBSYTDT. For short.
Kiyo: The only difference’s between them is that Stephen has a girl that is willing to help him. Angel is a vampire with a soul.
TDD: “Vampire with a soul? How lame is that?”
Kiyo: lol not so un-common, and Edward sparkles.
TDD: Interesting.
Kiyo: Now if Bella’s father had been a good dad he would have stolen the sparkly boys sunscreen and shoved him into the sunlight!
TDD: Successfully ridding the world of one less pussy-vampire-wannabe.
Kiyo: Yep! ^ ^
TDD: Wow that went on longer then expected…
Kiyo: 0.0’ Yep….
TDD: I think we will end this rant here!
